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"Before kids I was free-wheeling, ready to race down an expert ski trail in the Rockies or Alps. But once I became a parent - and later a single parent -- I grew more fearful. So here I was, apprehensive inside, trying to look like Super Cool Mom on the outside."

Single Parenting Down the Snake River

Single Parenting Down the Snake River

The alarm went off at 5 a,m. After three leisurely days of hiking and sightseeing in Yellowstone National Park it was a rude awakening. 

The day before, we had left Yellowstone for the brief drive south to Grand Teton National Park, where we had reservations for a spacious, comfy cabin at Colter Bay, located next to a sparkling lake surrounded by the spectacular Tetons. The early July air was frosty.

I stepped out of the cabin to check the weather. After ten days on the trail with three
kids, (two were mine, one was borrowed), I found it easier to get dressed myself, then wake the boys, then last, my teen-aged daughter. 

 By 6:00am we were all in the car, heading for a light breakfast and the starting-point of our all day rafting excursion of the Snake River. 

We had researched and carefully chosen an outfit that had an excellent reputation and claimed to have never lost a customer.  The rafting trips were U-Paddle -- everyone paddles. Besides, I figured if they paddled it would take their minds off the terror.

They offered the best of both worlds -- still water in the morning, white water in the afternoon. You had the option to bail out midway if you lost your courage. None of us did. 

At 7:00am sharp our river guide pulled up to the office on his motorcycle. He looked like a leftover version of a 60's hippie with straggly beard and thick sandals. All that was missing to complete the picture was the tie-dye shirt. 

Hoping we hadn't been assigned one of society's disgruntled dropouts, I expressed my misgivings to my kids, who immediately assailed me with comments such as "Mom, you always taught us not to pre-judge people and now you are doing it!" I was soon to eat my words.

Our river guide turned out to be one of those wonderful people who is truly in love with his work. He knew the family history and personality of every bird and animal we saw and had names for all. 

At mid morning we disembarked for a one hour break as we were fitted into body suits and life jackets and given a forty minute briefing in preparation for our whitewater trip. We were told that if we fell overboard, the problem was not that the raft
would leave us behind, quite the contrary. We would need to back paddle with our hands to slow our speed so the raft could catch up.

As a single parent with one kid
on loan, I felt a little better about that. It's one thing to lose your own child on a trip; it's an entirely different matter to lose somebody else's. 

Before kids I was a free-wheeling spirit, always ready to race down an expert ski trail in the Rockies or the Alps, but once I became a parent, and later a single parent,I became more fearful. So here I was, once again, apprehensive inside, but trying to look like Super Cool Mom on the outside. 

We were a mixed bag of fourteen people in our party - young, old, Westerners, Easterners and Europeans. When the guide called for two front paddlers, my daughter Monique leapt forward to left front, along with a little slip of a woman from Wyoming who took the right. 

I chose a position as front bailer, with the boys somewhere behind me. We practiced some maneuvers in still water and it soon became obvious my position was well chosen. 

Both my kids are dyslexic and although one has a genius IQ and the other is close behind, neither can tell left from right very quickly. When the guide would yell from the rear "Left
side paddle!" I would translate that to "Monique, paddle!" to achieve a quicker response. 

Shortly thereafter we headed

into our first set of rapids, called Lunch Counter, from
which we emerged victorious, soaked, and invigorated. My aching arms welcomed the period of still water.

I suddenly realized why we had on body suits. In contrast to the bright summer sun, the water was icy cold and with all the adrenaline pumping through my body, I hadn't noticed the chill.

The kids were having a ball,
whooping and hollering. Piece of cake, I thought. Then we came to the second set of rapids - three huge waves called the Big Kahuna. As we paddled into the first one, an enormous wall of water, I had no idea how we would survive. 

The force of the second wave tore the rubber band off my waterproof camera wrapped
around my wrist. It also thrust the petite Wyoming lady back into the arms of her husband, who was sitting behind her. He shoved her forward and rightfully yelled,  "Keep paddling!" 

By the time we emerged from the third wave we were all coughing up river water, which had entered our nostrils under high pressure. It was the first
  and only time in my life I was glad I didn't have one of those cute upturned noses. 

The last set of rapids, called Cottonwoods, though not as big as the others, was much longer, and became a test of endurance. Our guide was so pleased with our teamwork he had us perform a 360 degree victory turn before docking. 

We were all on such an adrenaline high that our soaking clothes had turned to merely damp by the time we finished the sandwiches that awaited us. 

Having once again secured my status as Super Cool Mom, we changed clothes and headed off for our evening's single parent travel adventure, but that's another story. 
 

-- Brenda Elwell

Children of any age can participate in still water rafting, though outfitters usually have a minimum age of eight years for white water. 

White water excursions are very popular with single moms and their teen-age sons, giving them the opportunity to share a fun-filled, "macho" experience. 

>>> Adventure travel
>>> Planning a trip
 

Brenda Elwell, who has traveled independently to nearly 70 countries -- often with two kids in tow -- writes a monthly newlsletter on single parenting. 

More information: www.SingleParentTravel.net

If you are a single parent and wanting to plan a vacation with your children, travel agencies are often geared towards traditional nuclear families.  To plan a successful trip -- on your own or with the help of a traditional travel agent -- organization and patience are keys.
 

Central elements to a successful trip:
 

>>> DO YOUR RESEARCH 

Whether you are planning a hiking trip to the American West, a driving tour of the historical sites and theme parks in the East or a trip to Walt Disney World, you and your kids need to do some research to determine where and how you want to spend your time. Make it a family project. 

Provide your children with research assignments from a list. Buy a tour book on the Web or at your local bookstore and have your kids research some information on the Web. Unless you work for a dot-com, your kids can probably do the research faster than you. Once you have gathered up enough information, have a family meeting to make vacation decisions. How long will you stay in one area? What trails will you definitely hike? What theme park rides are a must? 

Explore rainy day activities in case of inclement weather.  Strike a deal that will enable everyone to have fun: spend 1/3 of your time doing activities that the kids will like, 1/3 doing what you like, and 1/3 of your time doing things you all like.
 

>>> PREPARE AN ITINERARY 

The hour or two you spend typing an itinerary with rainy day alternatives will save you hours of time and frustration during your vacation. In all the years I traveled as a single parent with my kids, from kindergarten through college, we never once argued about what we were going to do that day.  They simply got up in the morning and asked "What's on the itinerary for today?" 

Although you can keep your itineraries flexible, if you set and keep schedules, your kids will take for granted that what was on paper for that day.Itineraries can be as simple as one short page or as long as two or three. By pre-planning and writing down our ride sequence at theme parks, you can avoid waits in long lines, even at Walt Disney World in high season. 

Add a page of hotel and rental car information to the itinerary, including confirmation numbers, the local phone number and address of the hotel with local directions to get there in case you have had to find a hotel in the dark with sleepy kids in the car. This helps eliminate difficulties and stress in advance.  Detailed itineraries can include research facts, and have make a nice handout for family members staying at home, and a wonderful addition to photo albums. 

>>> TYPE UP A PACKING LIST

Keep a family packing list that you can revise for every family trip.  Print it out and hand it out to each child who can read. Tell them to check off or cross off each item as they pack it. This makes younger kids feel independent, even though they will need some packing help. It also smoothes the way with teen-agers who prefer minimal verbal communication with parents regarding instructions. 

Several weeks before the trip you should start jotting things down on a list and invite your kids to do the same. Put down everything you will need and be very specific – seven changes of underwear, rather than just saying underwear. For teen-agers, mark down batteries for the omnipresent portable CD player and for the wee ones, mark down a favorite toy or teddy and three favorite books. 

You will need a simple first aid kit, the contents of which will be determined by your destination and the kids’ ages.   Carry lots of zip lock plastic bags. You will also need to be prepared for delayed flights, unexpected waits in line, so pack travel games, cards, toys and books, some favorites and some new ones. 

Carry a small book bag or backpack on your back so you are prepared with these items. If your kids are old enough, have them each carry their own items, or take turns with the book bag. Include some juice or water and nutritious snacks. 

A Few Words About Patience

The best way to remain patient with your kids while traveling is to eliminate in advance as many situations as possible that require patience. 

Sound simplistic? It is. 

Three common irritating travel complaints can drive parents nuts:

• "When do we get there?" 
• "Can I have some money?" 
• "I'm tired/bored/hungry."

The suggestions I offer are not foolproof but should reduce the frequency and intensity of the complaints so that your patience does not wear thin.

My suggestions:
 

COMPLAINT: "When do we get there?"

SOLUTION:

For a small child, who has no sense of time, planning a relatively stress-free long motor trip takes a little advance work. There are the usual car games - such as word games, spotting car colors or license plates, story telling, and the "I'm thinking of (a person, place or thing)" game. But small children also need some time guidance. 

Several days before the trip, and again the night before, explain how long the trip is and what you will be doing along the way. For example, if it is a six-hour drive, explain that there will be three planned stops, and the lunch stop is the halfway stop. If your children are ten years old or older they can begin learning to read maps and map out the trip.

Train and plane trips are a lot easier, given the speed of travel, and the ability to move about.
 

COMPLAINT: "Can I have some money?" 

SOLUTION:

Single parents are always on a budget so this is a good opportunity to teach your kids budgeting skills, as well as reduce the strain on your patience: For a small child, write down or discuss the amount you will spend each day on treats or purchases and make the child aware of when the limit has been reached or approached. 

For kids ages 8 to 15 discuss in advance how much will be allotted to them for snack treats and gifts for themselves or friends. Each day give them a portion of the total allotted cash to spend so they can buy their own treats or gifts. If they are still young and tend to lose money, you may choose to hold the money in a separate envelope for them. Teach them to watch out for pickpockets, especially in areas frequented by tourists.

Having them handle their own money will foster a sense of independence and help them understand budgeting. For teen-agers age 16 and up, chances are they have a part-time job and can bring their own earned spending money for gifts and food treats. Discuss in advance what you expect them to contribute. Traveler’s checks are still an option for kids. 

If a child's allotment is $100 or more, get a booklet of $20 traveler’s checks in their name from your local bank. You hold the checks and let them sign off on a $20 check as they make a purchase and then let them keep the change in their pocket. It makes a small child feel important, plus there is the visual impact of seeing the travelers check booklet get thinner. It is not a bad idea for teen-agers either, and helps prevent pick pocketing for kids of all ages.

COMPLAINT: "I'm tired/bored/hungry." 

SOLUTION:

To avoid these issues and keep your patience intact, you will need to do some trip planning and consultation with your kids. 

A well-planned itinerary should eliminate this problem, especially if you have obtained previous "buy-in" from your kids regarding daily activities. Reinforce your kids' good behavior by complimenting them when they behave well, and try these tactics:
 

• First, get buy-in. 
• Make it a challenge. "Boy, an all day trip in a car. 

Not many little kids can handle that. Do you think you can do it?" 
• Review the commitment. Talk about it on and off before the trip. Focus on the positive - the destination, but remind the child of the challenge of the long trip to get there. 
• Prepare the child. Discuss where you will be at lunch, at dinner. 
• Praise the child for his or her good behavior as the ride progresses. 

-- Brenda Ellwell

Brenda Elwell has traveled the globe as a single parent with two children in tow. For more information: SIngle Parent Travel, www.SingleParentTravel.net.