At this time of year,
some suffer from SAD, seasonal affective disorder.
But for others, the darkest day of the year is nothing compared to the holiday
time of the year.
You might have Seasonal
Stress Disorder – the affliction of realizing
that an “ideal” holiday with the family is yet again beyond reach.
Family members are bickering
already, the children seem spoiled, still so much to do, and it’s all so
materialistic – you know the drill.
Suggestions for relief:
Arrive at airports early,
even earlier than the airlines say.
If it’s not too
late, pack small, lighter presents.
Let go. Relax your standards.
So what if the house isn’t perfect?
Stick to your budget.
For most of us, it’s never too late to try.
Share your feelings.
Find someone you can “vent” to.
Make a list. Include
even the little things. Use a packing list.
Stay healthy. Even if
traveling, eat three times a day and exercise at least 20 minutes three times
a week. And get some sleep.
Slow down. Take the time to enjoy your
family and friends.
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RelationTrips
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Personal, Practical Advice for Every Traveler
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How
to Avoid Hell for the Holidays
A RelationTrips
Survival Guide
Going home need not be a
hassle-laden,
psychologically wearing, festival of familial melees.
It can be Norman Rockwell-esque. Well, nearly.
"'The Waltons
we are not," my mother was fond of saying."
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Getting along with extended family
during the holidays is an art. I come from a large family on both sides:
prolific Catholics, my father has five siblings and I have 23 first cousins
on his side alone. My mother also has five siblings, leaving us a
huge network of aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, a set of twins, a
great-grandfather from Italy who spoke broken English, you name it.
We also had extended family present at gatherings: neighbors and friends,
boyfriends, co-workers, exchange students, people who were more like family
than friends. Family gatherings were more like melees than the sedate Norman
Rockwell-esque events depicted on television. “The Waltons we are
not,” my mother was fond of saying.
As a result of growing up with an army of relatives, I have learned the
art of how to get along with others – and through – the holidays. Here
are some tried and true methods for hassle-free holidays:
BEFORE YOU GO:
1. Don’t wait until the last minute to shop.
You’ll be frazzled and cranky, and it will spill into your holiday visit.
Instead, start early, early, early, as early as the year before.
2. Get plenty of sleep, exercise, and drink plenty
of water. When you are deprived of good health, you are more susceptible
to crankiness and colds.
3. Wrap and mail your packages ahead of time (with
batteries if they are required), in plenty of time. It will save you
hassle at the airport.
4. Pack a collapsible bag for bringing your loot home.
5. Discuss expectations for behavior ahead of time
with kids, spouses, etc. Then make a deal and
stick with it.
ONCE YOU ARRIVE:
1. Don’t expect things to be “just like you were when
you were a kid.” They won’t be. Be flexible. Add new
foods, new activities to your repertoire. My mother has cancer, and
at first I was saddened that she could not do all of the things she used
to do. Now we all pitch in to try to make her holidays a little smoother.
2. Offer to help cook, help shop, help wrap, whatever.
Pitching in helps everyone.
3. Don’t overeat. You’ll feel lethargic.
4. Don’t drink too much. Drunk driving kills
all year round, and drinking while under stress lowers your immune system,
leaving you susceptible to disease from all of the kids who are swapping
germs in school and day care.
5. Avoid sibling rivalry. Sometimes people
jockey for approval and prestige. Be polite. Commend your siblings’
(or other relatives’) achievements. If they become annoying, make
an excuse and run to the store for more eggnog or refill a snack tray.
6. Welcome everyone. The holidays are no
time for grudges. Let them go.
7. When things get tense, lighten the mood.
Bring up an old memory and sharing it. Drag out a board game or old
photo album.
8. Be the bigger person. When someone makes
a dig about you or someone else, let it go. It is usually jealousy,
insecurity, or some other behavior that is causing the outburst. Be
compassionate. If the behavior continues, be firm but polite.
Say “I don’t think that is kind or fair of you, and I would prefer it if
we changed the subject.”
9. Be open to new traditions. My mother-in-law
is from Spain and I was not used to the different dishes she served, but
I liked celebrating two totally different Christmases.
10. Memo to all men: Pitch in with the dishes, taking
out the garbage, setting the table, etc. Nothing is more annoying
than wandering into a living room full of men in front of a football game
after the meal has been cooked, served, cleaned up, to hear, “Are there
any leftovers?”
11. Plan and set an itinerary before you leave, and
stick to it. Now that I often travel out-of-state for the holidays,
I set an itinerary, especially when I travel home to where my family is.
If I didn’t, I would never fit in all of the friends and family. Time
slips by before you know it, and with an itinerary, no one is slighted.
12. Call if you are going to be late. Common
sense courtesy goes a long way in avoiding rifts during the holidays, when
tempers run high.
13. Plan activities everyone can enjoy.
Holidays include mixed age groups. Sledding and skating are time,
but set aside time for lunch first with grandma.
14. Forget honesty. Lying gets you through
the holidays. “You haven’t changed a bit” is music to a grandma’s ears.
I told a friend who looked run-down he looked terrible, and a friend told
me she didn’t like my hair. I know someone whose friends told him
his wife was cheating. What are friends for but to be honest?
But NOT during the holidays, they are too stressful. You get the picture.
15. Set aside time for yourself. Go for
a run, go skating, sledding, walk the dog, read before you go to bed – do
something alone to decompress from the hectic activity.
16. Listen to Bing Crosby. He sounds so
wholesome. Then keep in mind his kids wrote a tell-all book and sued
him. It lends a perspective to things. Nobody is perfect.
WHEN YOU GET HOME
Send thank-you notes for meals and gifts. When someone gives you
a gift, thank them. Anything less is tacky and rude.
-- Dina Horwedel
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