What if your relationship problem involves
a stranger -- in the next seat on your flight?
It’s not always those we know who trouble us. When traveling we necessarily
experience all kinds of other relationships, and sometimes it’s the person
in the next seat who’s causing a problem. You are stuck there, 30,000 feet
above the earth with this guy – for one, four, eight hours. It is a relationship,
whether you want it or not.
So it was for a Medina, Ohio, woman who e-mailed me recently to describe
her ordeal on a Continental flight to California. She suspects that the man
next to her had been drinking, even before boarding the plane. At first he
was simply “belligerent and unpleasant. Then he started in on me – a complete
stranger – with totally inappropriate comments. He said things about my eyes,
my anatomy, and he brushed his shoulders against me. He suggested doing unmentionable
things in the restroom. If he’d been a co-worker back at my job the company
would have had a huge liability.”
In this instance, the woman reported, she was worried about speaking up,
mostly because she was “scared that he was the kind of person who might cause
such a commotion that they’d have to land the plane in Denver or something.
Also, I myself am not comfortable with confrontation.” Instead, she says,
she put up with the beast across three time zones.
“I’ve had many arguments with my friends about this, and they say I should
have spoken up. But I know things have been very sensitive on airplanes lately,
plus I’m not sure it would have done any good. The flight was full and it
wasn’t like there was another seat I could go to. What do you think?”
Well, what I think is that you should have spoken up – at least to him, but
without a doubt to the flight attendants. Nobody should have to put up with
that kind of behavior. Sexual harassment at 30,000 feet is no more excusable
than at ground level. Perhaps even worse. How do you go to the next room?
Although airlines have until recently – for obvious reasons – balked at the
notion of special training for flight attendants in how to deal with conflicts
and disruptive passengers, all of the carriers, including Continental, take
these issues seriously.
While no FAA regulations address conduct between passengers, and the agency
has issued only a non-binding “advisory” that airlines consider special training
for flight attendants, most airlines have policies of refusing to transport
any person who is “disorderly, abusive or violent” or who “appears to be
intoxicated or under the influence of drugs.” If the gentleman in the next
seat seemed drunk at the gate, he should – and could – have been denied boarding.
Now, of course, that’s not much use if the animal is already on board. That’s
where flight attendants come in – and often do. “Never, ever sit silent and
take abuse from a fellow passenger,” advises Dawn Deeks, spokesman for the
Association of Flight Attendants, who, she adds, “really know what it’s like
to be sworn at and treated rudely. You’ll find a sympathetic ear – and help.”
Summon the flight attendant immediately. Or better still, discreetly talk
with her in the aisle or the galley. “Explain what’s happening, and she’ll
try to rearrange your seating,” explains Deeks. “Even if the flight’s full,
it’s not impossible. Usually, someone will switch seats with you – another
man, for example.”
Adds Deeks: “If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, you are well within
your rights to calmly tell the person he doesn’t have any right to talk like
that. But it’s important that whatever you say not be used to escalate the
situation. You’re better off bringing a third party in to calm things down.”
Deeks believes things have improved since the terrorist attacks, and senses
a general kinder spirit among passengers. “From what I’m hearing, things
have gotten a little better since pre-Sept. 11. People are a little more
forgiving, and they have more patience, and these incidents are happening
less often. Unfortunately, it gook something like Sept. 11 to bring out the
best in some people.”
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